end.

Things have been … extremely hard around here lately. Husband’s grandma has been in and out of the ICU at the hospital, and there have been several close calls, and Saturday night we went down there to say what we thought was goodbye. Then she pulled through. However she relapsed again, and tonight, we’re just waiting for the phone call.

Husband and I have already shed many, many tears over the weekend and tonight as well. She really is a second mother to Husband, and he even lived with her for six months as a child and for awhile when he was going through his divorce. We aren’t at the hospital tonight because she is more or less comatose, and he doesn’t want to see her that way, which I completely understand. Sitting around the house, waiting for the call, is agonizing for me. I am probably headed off to bed soon.

I’m going to work tomorrow, but Husband probably won’t depending on what happens tonight, and I’m going to take off Friday so I can help MIL with funeral arrangements and just support (she is an only child, and lost her dad a few years ago).

I was thinking about writing something on Facebook, just to get it out there, but I changed my mind. Instead I texted my sisters/mom, and tomorrow I’m going to message a certain someone.

I can hear Husband sniffling in the other room … this is so so so so hard.

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deep breath.

Yesterday I was minding my own business at work when a dad came in with his baby (LATE!) and as we were talking and cooing and generally reassuring her that she should play with a toy instead of melt into a ball of despair, I heard my phone vibrate. Multiple times.

This usually indicates a phone call of some sort.

Now normally I would be like, ‘Charity organization!’ because I have been getting multiple calls of that nature lately, and in fact I was suspecting it was that. But I also thought, ‘Well, maybe it’s my old company calling me about taxes. That would be fantastical.’ So I set up the babies with some food, let my co worker do her thing, and then went over to my phone and opened it.

VOICE MAIL. Eee! Tax news! So I listened the voice mail. I heard a male voice. Eee! Tax news!

“… and she’s unconscious, and in emergency surgery, and they don’t know if she’s going to make it. I’m leaving work now, going home to get the car, and driving straight to the hospital.”

And … life gets put upside down. As mentioned Husband’s grandmother is in the hospital, and that’s who Husband was talking about. I started shaking, a little crying, called my Assistant Director, who was like, ‘I am moving around some babies and then you go. NOW.” So I called Husband and was like, “Wait for me! WAIT for me!” and while my mind was going, ‘If she dies they can’t handle it if she dies he can’t handle it if she dies they can’t handle it if she dies he can’t handle it’, my body was shaking, trying not to cry, and, oh yeah, filling out daily sheets and changing diapers and putting together a box so babies could move up to Toddlers LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG.

At one point my coworker was like, “Where are you going? What’s happening?” and I told her, letting a few tears escape, and she was like, “I’ll start praying right now,” (<3 my Catholic coworker to death). After I said that to her, still having tears on my face, I picked up this 15 month old, 'cause I had to change her so she could go to Todds, and when I picked her up and she put her arms around my neck and squeezed, burying her face in my neck, as if to say, 'It's okay. I got you.' I've known this baby for awhile now and she is very loving and always gives hugs to anyone who is crying.

Well I almost started crying all over again. It is, to say the least, very hard on me to be even this hour distance from my family. I feel like I miss out on a lot, especially with my niece, and certain other things that are another blog post, but that hug reminded me that I have my own support system here. I also got a hug from aforementioned coworker and my Assistant Director before I left.

Fast forward after an afternoon in the hospital, and … she made it. She's not out of the woods yet, but the main point was, she was bleeding out and they didn't know if they were going to be able to save her. But God is good, and He designed well, because (without getting too much into the medical jargon of what was happening to her) her colon had moved over to block out the bleed from the stomach … her body was saving her. So because of that the surgery took less time than they expected and went WELL. Now they are just monitoring her over the weekend to make sure everything stays good and there's no infection.

So here we are today. They're FINALLY letting her breathe on her own and from the phone call MIL made to the hospital last night she is doing good. Husband is on a bike ride to Wisconsin today and I am leaving to join him at about 1:30 – 2:00, but first I need to eat, pull myself together, pack for the weekend and run some errands. It'll be good to relax today and tomorrow after yesterday's panic.

sunny day.

Today is AWESOME, to say in the least, thanks in no part to the gorgeous (and I guess unseasonable?) weather we’ve been having here in Chicago. I hate how people turn this weather into GLOBAL WARMING when really, there have been other times where the weather has been nice at unexpected times of the year. (Like our Christmas was warm, but it was also that warm 30 years ago so HA!).

Anyway. SUPER exciting news at work! One of the women who I mentioned is very privately trying to have a baby is now getting the green light to get things started, which is SUPER DUPER amazing because she is one of the sweetest people I work with and TOTALLY deserves a baby. She and I agree exactly on how a baby should be raised. Hee hee. We’re both trying to get a copy of Beyond the Sling and whoever gets it first is going to read it and then lend it to the other one.

Also work was great because we were low on babies, so since I switched schedules I got to leave a hour earlier than I was planning! Drove home with the windows DOWN and the radio UP. Now I’m sitting on the front porch as I type this, sweating a little under the sun, getting relief when it goes behind the clouds, but still soaking up this amazing, amazing day. I don’t know when I will be fortunate enough to have work and the weather line up in my favor again.

I’m watching the cars go by and all the people out walking their dogs. If you love dogs, Chicago seems to be THE city to live with them. Despite all the apartments I see more dogs here than I ever did back home in the suburbs. Crazy, right? (Just distracted this dog who was trying to be disciplined by his owner! Once again it was one of the hundreds of husky dogs that live around us!) There is also a (collared) black cat that keeps walking back and forth at the bottom of the steps. Not sure if this is considered bad luck or not, since he KEEPS doing it (plus, the very tip of his tail is white, so there’s that).

As I was driving home I was thinking about the very reused saying that you can’t appreciate the bad without the good, and if there was no winter we’d never enjoy the spring, have to live in the dark to relish in the light, etc. There are a few people that started up this thing saying technically, that’s NOT true, because you can appreciate chocolate without ever knowing about broccoli. You would still love it just as much, even without knowing the unpleasant (to some) taste of the vegetable. I am very, very much simplifying the argument for my own purposes, but the point is that as I was driving home I was like … I really think these people are just trying to be smarty pants and don’t want to just appreciate the trueness of that statement. So true, the entire way home, I was thinking, ‘I was so tired of wearing a coat because it was winter, and I’m glad I can have the window down without freezing in the process, and I can’t wait to sit outside and not be ‘locked up’ inside the house because of bad weather’. I think that if the weather was this gorgeous, every day, I’d understand that it was nice outside, and I would understand that the weather is good, but I would NOT want to embrace it like it was my first born and smother it with kisses of gratitude. Which, essentially, is a personification of my emotions right now. THAT’S how excited I am to be outside. I think the ‘knowing’ that certain things are good and delicious and wanted would be there, but without that opposite, I don’t think the VALUE would be very heavy on certain weather, food, items, etc.

And as I sit here clickety clacking away I understand that all these words are just me trying to get myself to go write because sitting here is begging me to do just that, so I will stop now and abandon my plans to read the magazines and book beside me and just WRITE.

cool sunglasses.

Well, what hasn’t been happening lately. My grandma came out of the hospital (after a surgery she had 50% chance of surviving), and we saw her on Saturday and she is limited but in good spirits and looking good (she keeps a tan year round, has better color than me!). Although now Husband’s grandma is BACK in the hospital due to wonky numbers and declining independence (currently, can’t even stand by herself). SOMETHING is going on with Stepson; he was sniffly and coughy and sleepy all weekend. And me? I’m currently off work for the day because my right eye has been giving me such issues that I was in sunglasses inside and outside for two days straight. I’m on drops now and going back to work tomorrow after the drops have had time to work their magic on my throbbing, light sensitive eye (currently, I have all the lights off in the apartment and my computer screen is at the lowest brightness setting).

The good news? Husband got an excellent deal on a much needed laptop for him (I’m talking $300! SCORE!). Stepson knows how to write all the letters of the alphabet and spent much of the weekend (while sniffling and coughing) writing everyone’s name in the family — he even wrote out a birthday card for my dad! I am impressed because he is four, people! Niece is rolling over and doing excellent work with her tummy time and even starting to begin a crawling position (which, for five months, is right on schedule and awesome).

I am excited for this upcoming weekend, for a shortened work day on Thursday, and that I got to spend mucho time with my niece this weekend. And OMG, the pictures my sister has been taking of her … I just want to eat her. EAT HER UP WITH A SPOON.

Writing has been sparse, because of excitement and medical needs and such. So has decluttering, but I did pick up the apartment when I came home from the eye doctor, and I was proud of taking the time to do that and NOT being lazy.

OK, my eye is starting to bug even from the (low) computer light. Off for a nap!

achoo.

My weekend was great, and then the past two days I’ve had a cold that just knocked me over. Like sludge through work, come home, and eatsoupreadbookbed. I’m at about 80% today, so I decided to take my good health in hand and do more than just lay down when I get home.

So I:

  1. Put away clean clothes.
  2. Made dinner.
  3. Sorted dirty clothes/picked up the floor.
  4. Helped Husband bag up garbage from bathroom + kitchen.
  5. Vacuumed (Husband worked the WetJet behind me.)
  6. Cleaned the baseboards.
  7. Ran a load in the dishwasher.

Then I read over some stuff for work, read some of the current book I’m reading while eating dinner, wrote, and am now finishing up this post before bed. And, I’ve been home from work for less than three hours!

I am trying this new thing where I just DO a task, instead of planning it beforehand and overwhelming myself with what I have to do. I think when I plan ahead, I just exaggerate not only how long it’s going to take but also how much effort it requires.

Based on the above list, I’d say it’s working!

 

27% done!

misc.

I had a few competing ideas for a blog post the past couple days. Some were conversations, others were statuses on Facebook, and one was a dream I had last night.

But I think in the end, as the ‘week’ wraps up and we head into the weekend, what I’m really all about right now are the simple pleasures. The not too big a deal things that make me so happy.

Like a really good book.

Babies squeeing and smiling when I walk in the room.

Looking good in a pair of tight pants.

Sweet tea.

Music. Lately, have been so entranced by music.

And this (goal 15,000 words):

21% done!