opposites.

The good and the bad have been stacking up around me lately, trying to compete for a bigger pile.

The good at work is that my co teacher and I are slam dunking on getting the room together for new arrivals while still keeping curriculuum going. The bad at work is that my director is still on me to move to a new room.

The good is that I’m taking the bus all week to work and it is fabulous — I read the whole time, and the ride (between 2 buses) only takes 45-60 minutes but goes by in a snap. I feel so much more relaxed when I get to work and less tired (for whatever reason) when I get home from work. Tonight, my ride was a little longer so I didn’t get home til after seven, and I did the following: vacuumed, picked up, did a dish load, cleaned the bathroom/toilet, and put new sheets on Stepson’s bed. The bad is that my family, for whatever reason, doesn’t really get why I’m taking the bus instead of driving the manual. I am trying to ignore them and live my life as best suits me.

The good is that my co teacher is in her eighth month of pregnancy and going strong! She had one scary week of bedrest in May, but everything worked out and the baby is healthy. I am doing a lot of lifting at work, but I don’t mind because I’m so excited for her. She confessed that she has been trying for 3 years now and can’t wait to have her baby girl finally. My other coworker who has been trying for FIVE YEARS finally, through many prayers and a lucky first round of IVF, is pregnant. As she is only a month, we are all holding our breath and crossing fingers, but she got the call at work and was crying when she told us, so I am reallyreallyreally hoping everything goes well for her too.
The bad is, although I don’t really know her, that an author I love just miscarried again. She is trying for her second and for whatever reason is really struggling to hold a pregnancy this time around.

The good is that Husband got a slight raise at work. The bad is that it’s not going to really change anything financial wise for us, but I’m trying to think positive. The car dying unexpectedly swamped us, our renters’ insurance came due, and now we are on our own to pay Husband’s car payment (personal story), so we are scraping by every month. For whatever reason, the biggest shock came to me when we realized that we weren’t going to be able to renew our zoo membership, which we’ve had for the past two years. Going to the zoo was one of our favorite things to do to chill and relax (no matter the season) on a weekend, and now that’s … gone. I’m also worried about Father’s Day and upcoming birthdays, but Husband and I decided we’re going to take things one day at a time. Husband’s birthday is in a week, and right now we have … no plans and no money to celebrate. We remind ourselves that this time next year, everything will die down and money won’t be so tight, but I feel (I don’t care how dramatic this sounds) like we are lost in the midst of the ocean and that time is a dot of land far away, a brown dot on the horizon that we don’t know if it is real or a mirage.

Although life has been pretty good, the other thing lately that has gotten me down a little is family relations. Everything is good on my side, even with the comments about me riding the bus. But Husband and his brother are having (private) issues with their mom, and it concerns money, and everything is tense. We’re supposed to see everyone on Saturday and I don’t know how it’s going to be. MY family relation issue is that I feel like Husband’s mom/stepdad don’t see Husband and I as capable adults. They are constantly giving us ‘advice’, basically telling us what to do. I understand we are young and newly married, but Husband and I have very different views from them on things like parenting and money. Husband’s stepdad wants us to trade in Husband’s car for a new one, even though we still owe money on it and all that money owed would roll over onto our debt with the new car. Also, he told his mom how we currently are reevaluating everything and have, instead of $350 or so a month for groceries, gas, etc., now only have $200, she said, ‘Guess you are going to have to watch how you spend your money’ as if we throw money into the air and spend it on frivolous things! That really upset ME because she knows things are tight with us and all the crap we do without in order to get by. I DISLIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK I AM EXAGGERATING OUR SITUATION. I want to shove our bills in their face and go, ‘What now? Where’s the extra money?!’ I admit that up until this month we had leeway for this or that and emergencies. Now? No leeway. We need a city sticker for Husband’s car by the end of the month and I don’t know how we’re going to get that money, or gas money to go to Michigan (and believe me, we would NOT go to Michigan but Husband’s mom got all upset when we mentioned that and repeated the watching our money thing). We’re putting some things in a garage sale and selling my old car to a junk yard, so hopefully between the two we can pay the city sticker and earn gas money. Also, we don’t have daycare payments July and August so we’re saving the money we would spend on that and giving it to the school at the beginning of the year, so we can make a last payment in April instead of June.

OK, I am on Husband’s laptop and it keeps trying to delete this, so I’m just going to stop the venting now and get off. Hopefully the next time I get on here I will have something productive to say, but the money crisis is on Husband’s and my minds A LOT so I can’t make any promises … at least, I think sometimes when we get ready for bed, at least I am married to a man who holds me at night and talks out the fear and is committed to bring the numbers DOWN for good. At least I am in this with my friend, partner, equal. At least I am in this with someone who loves me as unconditionally as I love him.

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2 thoughts on “opposites.

  1. What about if someone had recently been given a (little) gas card and wanted to send it your way?

    … Email me 🙂

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