My coworker just found out she was pregnant, and decided to tell me and my coteacher. Like, 7 weeks in, she comes to work from the doctor’s appointment that confirmed said pregnancy, and she sat down and told us. There was no hint otherwise that she was pregnant (meaning no morning sickness or anything out of the ordinary going on with her) and she had actually told us that she was taking her dog to the vet, not that she had a doctor’s appointment. I heavily explain all that because SHE WAS ONLY SEVEN WEEKS PREGNANT and she had only known my coteacher for SIX DAYS.
Yeah. So my coteacher and I started a discussion between ourselves on babies.
I have strong feelings on lots of things, and one of those is the business of having babies. Husband and I have a plan. Right now we’re only using condoms because I don’t want to mess up my body or hormones with the Pill. Plus, depending on how long you’re on it, the Pill can actually delay pregnancy because of how long it takes to cycle out of your body. Everyone thinks they can hop off the pill and be pregnant next week, but that’s not the case — sometimes, it can take months. We also talked about it and decided that if we can’t conceive naturally, we’ll adopt or just have Stepson. I’m firm in my belief that I don’t want to use IVF. If insurance doesn’t cover it, it can be costly, and I just don’t like the idea of it. I can’t explain it, I just don’t think it’s right for ME.
My coteacher doesn’t want to use IVF either — mostly because she miscarried at five months. That was obviously very painful on her, and she feels like if she wasn’t meant to have a baby, then she’ll adopt, and that’s that. She and I also talked about how quickly people jump to IVF nowadays — she told me about a recent study where IVF usage has jumped because women can’t get pregnant right away, think they’re infertile, and start up on IVF. She explained how after her miscarriage her doctor talked to her about natural ways her and her husband could up her hormones and his sperm count, and how they could live healthier so when the time is right for them, she has a better chance of holding onto the baby.
That said, I don’t condemn others using IVF. My favorite example of course is my coworker who had been trying for five years, had no medical reason for not being able to get pregnant, and is now carrying twins thanks to IVF. SO happy for her!
The sudden pregnancy of our coworker has others asking my coteacher and myself when we’re having babies. I am thoroughly annoyed by this question. We joke our way through it while giving each other glances because, really?
I don’t think people understand what it takes to raise kids. I read a lot of parenting blogs, especially for stay at home moms, and there are a lot of good times but LOTS of bad times. One of my most favorite, honest blogs is Not Super, Just Mom. She really gets that there are days you will be frustrated and days you will NOT want to be around them, but you have to pull it together. I learn this every day at work and on our weekends with Stepson. There are moments at work when the kids are so hilarious, so cuddly, so smart and eager to learn, that I want to pop out a baby right there and get started. Yesterday we took Stepson to the library and to watch him follow Husband around, a finger through his belt loop so he wouldn’t get lost, awakened the baby fever with a fury. But then there are those moments — it’s been a long day and all the kids want to do is bang and kick the table, or they go limp on the floor anytime I ask them to do something, Stepson changes his mind three times on what he wants to eat for dinner and doesn’t want to lay down for quiet time (even though I have a monster headache).
I GET that eventually, people work it all out. But I like to be prepared. When Husband and I were getting married, I read books on being married. I worried more about our marriage than our wedding. And it’s the same thing for kids. I plan lots — I pin a lot, I read parenting books, and I read my parenting blogs. I see situations and I ask myself how I would handle it. And most importantly, Husband and I use every weekend with Stepson as an example of how life is with kids — and we learn how to plan family visits, sexy time, us moments, and daily errands with them in it.
I don’t want to try for a pregnancy until I’m 28. At that point, I feel we’ll be good financially and secure enough in our marriage that we can be ready for a baby.
P.S. I understand someone is probably wondering WHY I let Stepson choose what’s for dinner — I’m in charge! Not him! Well, actually, when you’re working with a stepkid, you want to keep rules pretty consistent so that the transition from Mom’s to Dad’s and back is smooth and easy. Unfortunately, this means that things Husband and I would never allow (like being short order cooks) happens because Mom does that at home.