This past week has been one of the craziest, most stressful weeks Husband and I have ever had in our two years of marriage. Besides personal baloney, work really stressed me out between teething babies and frustrating co-workers. It got to the point where Husband and I blew up at each other Wednesday night, and harsh words were passed between us.
It’s been awhile since we’ve gone to bed so frustrated with each other and our situation. We each kept repeating, ‘I hate our life.’
Wednesday was one of those nights where you question everything you’re currently doing and everything that the future might hold. Where you can’t even click on any type of social media without raging at how ‘easy’ it seems others have it.
Before we got married, we did Engaged Encounter and Marriage Prep. However, we were so confident about our relationship and clicked on so many values and ideals that there wasn’t ever a real discussion about what to do when our lives would seem miserable.
Of course, I knew all the old phrases about not going to bed mad and such, but nothing that seemed to work in this situation.
The emptiness and despair I felt clogging my lungs and weighing down on my chest. I fought back tears on our way home from grocery shopping Wednesday night, because I couldn’t see a future where we’d be stable enough to feel secure, let alone add to our family.
We went to sleep miserable and facing opposite walls, listening to the hum of the air conditioner.
Thursday during work, I made a decision. Husband and I had been stressed and angry for what seemed like too long now. I couldn’t recall a recent enough time where we had felt genuine peace and contentment with each other and our lives. I made a decision that I was going to make that night special for Husband and myself. Planning the evening while I worked, I could feel my spirit lighten and the weight lifting off my chest.
Husband has softball on Thursdays, but all that did was give me more time to work. I cleaned up the apartment, sorted laundry, put away unused items, ran a load in the dishwasher, made chicken and rice for dinner, baked cookies, and took a shower/did my hair. I put on a dress he hadn’t seen me in in months. By the time all that was done and ready, I only had twenty minutes to relax and wait for him to get home.
He was so grateful and surprised when he walked in the apartment. A big flaw we both share is that when we’re stressed, we avoid housekeeping because it feels overwhelming on top of everything else. Therefore, seeing a clean dining room and empty kitchen counters was a big deal.
We ate dinner and kept the conversation light, happy, and about our days. We didn’t talk about anything from the previous week, but did finalize plans for the weekend. We watched a couple episodes from the new season of Arrested Development.
The calm that settled over us and our home was incredible.
We went to bed that night cuddled in each other’s arms.
Friday is my late start at work, so Husband offered to give me a ride. We held hands and talked about the business class he’s taking (for FREE! Alleluia) through work.
My work day flew by and I was engaged, patient, and focused the whole day through. Even though we had a full class I took down last month’s curriculum work off the wall and put up everything for June, something that usually takes me two or three days. I just felt inspired.
We still have a lot ahead of us. This summer isn’t going to be easy by any stretch, and one night of cleaning and cooking didn’t solve all our problems.
But it kept us together.
Sometimes, marriage is hard. Sometimes, you will not like the person you married. Sometimes, you will hate the life you are leading, even if just for one moment. Sometimes, you will wish you were somewhere else or with someone else. Sometimes, you will cry in pure despair.
In spite of all this, I keep the faith.
Faith that God never gives us more than we can handle. That things will always get better. That for every closed door, there is an open window.
Memorial Day we learned we have to come up with $500 for Stepson’s summer daycare. I started applying for a second job because I couldn’t imagine how else we’d get that kind of money.
Tonight Husband got a call that his one of his student loan payments ($300/month) was going to disappear for the summer.
Closed door, open window.