free write

I’ve been trying to write a post all week, and it seems like the more thought I put into what I want to say, the less I want to write it.

I’ve been having a crappy couple of weeks. There’s been high stress and low appreciation at work, Husband and I are living on a tighter budget while we wait for some financial things to pan out, and once again there is drama with my in-laws that is causing me anxiety.

Oh, and I’ve had a sinus infection all week.

I’m feeling flushes of anger faster than normal, and my mood immediately crashes at the turn of just one thing — realizing the apartment is a mess and Stepson will be here tomorrow, putting too much cooking oil in the pan when I’m making hash browns. The little shit stuff that I should be able to plow through and laugh off, but it just cuts right into me.

I’ve been going to bed at like eight every night and sleeping for nine, ten hours. It isn’t helping. I wake up, think things will be okay, and then – snap. I’m upset, and I can’t pull myself back out of the hole.

Part of it is my period. SOmetimes, it hits me harder on the emotional side than the physical end. Part of it is that my weight loss has hit a two week plateau, and between what I felt were crappy pictures of myself from Mother’s Day and a lack of funds to buy running shoes, my body self esteem has hit an all time low.

I don’t know what to do with myself, and Husband’s patience is growing thin.

Here’s to a better today.


2 thoughts on “free write

  1. I had a sinus infection a couple of weeks ago, and now allergies. Being sick makes me tired and grumpy, so that along with everything else you’re going through… well, ugh. I can imagine it’s awful.

    I don’t know about you, but I feel like the weight loss thing happened without all that much effort at the beginning. I mean, I was thinking about it, but some minor changes really helped (less soda, more water, etc.). And now that I’m past that point, I know I need to actually exercise and stuff to make a difference- but life is just too crazy right now.

    So my goal is basically to stay about stagnant for the time being, and once school is out and things are a TAD less crazy, I’ll try to make bigger changes. It’s just not in the cards right now for me- and it sounds like you’ve got plenty of other things going on, too.

    I hope something works out on the money thing. I feel like when we’ve been that tight, it just makes me tense all the time- and I know you probably feel the same way. I’m thinking of you!

    • Thanks! I pretty much nodded my head the entire time I read your comment. Although I’m really, truly happy with how far I’ve come with my weight, I still know I can go farther. Like you said, we’re both at a point where it’s time to start moving to lose more weight (and I’m really pushing that off with pure laziness, haha).

      Also, thanks for the support on the money thing. Jim and I talked yesterday about how money seems to go so fast, but when it’s coming in to you (like my tax return) it takes foorreevveerrr.

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