back in the saddle – mfp

I haven’t blogged about weight and such since June, so I thought I should remark on that.

I was doing so good, wasn’t I? If you look back in June and read the posts I have there about eating and mental weight loss and all that goodness, I seemed to have a handle on things. Yay, June me!!

And I haven’t completely fallen off the wagon. It’s just that I started to slip back into the habit of saying, ‘Oh a little of this or that won’t hurt me’ or ‘I’m not full yet’ or ‘I’m hungry, not bored’. The inner dialogue that just kind of gets you into a place where you’ve eaten half a bag of chips and then trying to figure out how to reverse that from having happened.

Also I spent half the summer and September sucking down medium sized iced caramel lattes from Dunkin Donuts about three times a week. Yeah.

And then the big whammy. I was a fool and, even though we get NO trick or treaters in my neighborhood bought three (count ’em 3) bags of mixed candy at the beginning of October. I thought maybe I would celebrate Halloween every day of October with a little candy treat!

Except I was eating two for lunch, and about four or five with dinner. So a 50 calorie Twix (nothing at all!) was being added to like five other pieces of ‘low calorie’ candy and I was having about 400 calories on those alone. A day.

Yikes. You see where I’m going with this?

So I stepped on the scale around Halloween and was not at all surprised to see a number in the low 140’s staring back at me. I gained about 5 or so pounds.

I started back on MFP on Monday. I tried to do a sort of cleanse with my body where I only had salad for lunch and dinner. (I had spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with a burger a day. Because that’s healthy.) I really feel good and stomach doesn’t feel bloated, like it did when I was eating junk.

Can I tell a quick story about how bad I’ve gotten with food? Saturday I got a train wreck burger. That’s a burger with everything, plus some. Ate the whole thing — with a salad as my side. Because that’s gonna cancel it out. Then Sunday we left Michigan, stopped at a gas station, and I got/ate a bag of Combos and a thing of Twizzlers. Two things I never eat but apparently really needed, because I was ‘hungry’. YIKES.

I’m working on refocusing, reprioritizing myself. Trying to hit my triggers on the head and keep walking. I slow down when I’m eating to let my stomach fill up. I’ve been using NaNoWriMo as a way to block my eating — writing 2,000 words before I eat dinner means I’m eating with Husband and not snacking until he gets home.

Eating right is hard. So hard. I’m not surprised that I gained some weight back. I didn’t want to, but I did. I’ve said before that I might have to always count my calories, and I’m okay with that. It sucks, and it’s tedious, and it makes eating out a bitch, but I need to do it.

I’ll check back in a couple weeks and hopefully I’ll have some real progress to report.

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